#couldn't care less about the characters
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It's so frustrating to love the cinema that I love and NOT love Wong Kar-Wai
It really doesn't make any sense I should adore the guy but I really don't care
#the hand made me uncomfortable not in a good way#chungking express was just boring#and I hate that it's my best friend's favourite movie I wish I at least liked it but no I had a bad time#I love everything technical about in the mood for love#the intimacy of the shots the costumes the settings the music the play with temporality#couldn't care less about the characters#I just don't get what he's trying to tell us I guess
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Ugh thinking about how Mel was just taken out of the main plot to start some new plotpoint and how she just didn't benefit from that as a character whatsoever. The Black Rose plotthread was just so rushed so forced in there, when we should've had just some character study casual moments between Mel and other characters instead. She was literally taken out of the plot. And that sucks because I would've loved to just have her casually interact with Caitlyn, Victor and Jayce more to develop those relationships. This is all we get, and I'm sad! Eugh
#mel medarda#best character#poorly used by the writers ngl#i guess they had to do this black rose plot thread but genuinely#genuinely#I couldn't have cared less about it#arcane#jayce talis#caitlyn kiramman#viktor arcane#meljayvik
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On Social Cues.
John Watson from BBC Sherlock: Oh, I know what those are! I just don't care. :)
John Watson from Sherlock & co: I know some of them, and I do care, it's just that I can't get over my profound social anxiety. I want to make friends, so please help before I say something really weird and make you all cringe. š„²
#john watson#shitpost#meta post#as well#character analysis#comparison#bbc sherlock#sherlock & co#this is why even Sherlock from the podcast gives him the side eye sometimes (you can just hear him give side eyes to Watson)#āI know I have ASD so I don't know much about social cues myself but even I can tell you were being weird a second agoā#this is also why John Watson and Stam-O in the podcast are friends (they've interacted with each other quite a bit by now)#because Watson likes being with people in this version. He just doesn't know how#whereas in BBC Sherlock John couldn't care less when Mike Stamford approached him in the park#because Watson was in a really bad mental place himself in the show at that time#and Mike met him only once throughout the whole show#sherlock holmes#secondhand embarrassment
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I know it's just the inverse of their s1 dynamic where jinx resents caitlyn's very existence while caitlyn routinely forgets that jinx exists, and cait then declaring jinx her mortal enemy while jinx easily evades her little fan club that's tearing the undercity apart looking for her and generally doesn't care IS very funny. but man what do you mean jinx and caitlyn didn't even get to beat the crap out of each other. what about women's wrongs
#arcane#it would be funny :(#I just need jinx to fight a main piltover character. for my health. jayce is the dream but I guess cait will do#they think they're tough shit until the crazy chick with a gun/explosives/super speed/super hearing/etc materialises out of the shadows#jinx usually doesn't care that much so she just blows up their buildings instead#but cait was OUT TO GET HER and she's like a dog with a bone when it comes to tracking jinx like come ON#this show was all about women and then suddenly it couldn't care less about women out of nowhere#coincidentally when it became more 'league of legends' and less 'arcane'#I'm tired is anyone else tired#THEY DIDNT EVEN FINISH THEIR STORIES#cait's fascist arc doesn't matter. jinx being a menace to society doesn't matter. vi being EVEN REMOTELY RECOGNISABLE doesn't matter!!!!#the only thing they cared about was making sure the femslash ship ended up together#so that gay people wouldn't be mad at them#that's IT.#fictional lesbian fans WOULDN'T YOU RATHER HAVE A STORY THAT MAKES SENSE#why is everyone so convinced this season was good I feel insane. I'm going insane#arcane critical#I can't help myself. it's bad. it's so bad
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What if Oliverās lies are true but like his mom knows how to act sober well enough so Felix thinks Oliver is a liar and makes him leave after the party. Oliver decides that it isnāt worth it, he tried so hard for Felix, but in the end, it still and will never be enough. So Oliver goes back to Oxford and starts befriending people who are more like him, and they actually listen to what he says and invite him everywhere (Heās the best dressed there now because of his time with Felix). Maybe he figures out that if Felix didnāt have such a savior complex his past wouldnāt be hurting him still. So Oliver kinda like blocks him in everything? Also tried to change any classes they would have together. He didnāt need to see his mother after he moved out so in his mind Felix was the one who brought him back to such an unsafe place.
(He looks so good in this gif (((o(*ļ¾ā½ļ¾*)o)))ā”)
Anyways, I just want Oliver to be happy and know that life doesnāt end because a boy doesnāt like you. Either way, heās been through worse so a broken heart shouldnāt feel as bad, right? :(
Oh and like Felix could be having a crisis because he misses Oliver and figured out that if he just let him explain he would have realized that Oliver was saying the truth (lmao)
#cattonquick#also i love crazy characters but i also like making them kinda normal once in a while haha#Oliver is over it#he just wants to be loved#even if he doesnāt really know what that feels like#he got attached to Felix from the beginning because as the golden boy it would mean that he'd be a great friend right?#WRONG#he has a savior complex ( ; ;)#which makes him not mind his own business#anyways they have a happy ending somehow#or farleigh actually kinda likes this Oliver cuz he's like yk not trying to fit in with people who couldn't care less about him#anyways yeah#BAII#oh I forgot one#saltburn#haha
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Slightly related to my last point but not related enough to tack onto the same post
Why have we seen everything between aggressive "flirting" and on-screen sex between male characters yet Charlie and Vaggie haven't even kissed
#i say 'flirting' in quotes bc apparently that's synonymous with 'one character sexually harasses the other'#but my point still stands#also kind of a rhetorical question bc we already know viv fetishes queer men and couldn't seem to care less about sapphic ships#i don't need to see anything on-par with how she writes her queer male characters but cmon give us sapphics -something-#i want to see charlie and vaggie hastily getting out of bed and wearing each other's clothes by accident#I want to see them popping out of a supply closet and desperately trying to play it cool#i wanna see charlie making eyes at vaggie's new wings and being like 'ohhh those are gonna be fun to experiment with'#help me out here#hazbin hotel critical#dc talks
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Every time Star Wars does a story with pirates that does not include Hondo, my resentment grows.
#It would have been so funny to bring him into the Mandalorian#Din would've been so annoyed.#star wars#part of what makes Hondo so fun is whether he's a good guy or a bad guy depends entirely on what he thinks of the protagonist#Like he's ''pretty sure'' he was friends with Obi-Wan - so he tends to be roguishly likable there#But he adores Ezra Bridger so in Rebels he's pretty much an outright good guy#And then he shows up totally in character in Lego Show the Freemakers Whatever It Was Called#Couldn't care less about those kids - he's an antagonist
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thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder
#akio and utena#m#long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human#he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims#he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios#(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her#i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing#not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he ālovedā her in any of the ways she might have thought he did#but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims#the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protĆ©gĆ© relationship is horrible and abusive#but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her#but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had#reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly#wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.
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Idk, I think Ulf is allowed to be "annoying" since the Targs kind of starved him and the small-folk of Kings Landing, then offered a select chosen few the opportunity to burn alive on the off chance one might get a dragon and subsequently escape the aforementioned inflicted poverty and starvation.
IDK that's just me, but personally if I somehow survived and suddenly found myself highly important to a powerful house that just put me through All That I'd probably be worse than annoying.
#hotd#hotd season 2#ulf the white#THIS IS NOT AN ANTI-TEAM-BLACK POST. Please do not hurt me I have a family.#Anyway Ulf went from being a character I couldn't care less about to being A Guy I'm Prepared To Defend On The Forums.#That's a big deal.#Fandom hates her: local woman keeps imprinting on the fandom hated characters.#I'm over here with Otto - Larys and now Ulf in what can only be described as the worst blunt rotation in the 7 kingdoms.
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Rei is late for the first time since he's started working at Poirot.
Neither terrorism attacks nor hostage crises have affected his being on time. Not even a runaway horse managed to keep him.
But he spends one night with Akai Shuichi, and his perfect record is ruined. Asshole.
Despite his calling ahead, Azusa gives him a worried look. He stops briefly to give her a mock-embarrassed apology, turning up the charm. Promises he won't be late again. Then he's off to the storage room.
He needs to fetch his ingredients and get to baking.
Rei's going to find Akai and strangle him, just as soon as his shift is over.
.
Roughly 12 hours earlier.
There's a gun aimed right between his eyes.
That in itself is nothing unusual. The situation could be worse, really.
After all, his own gun is pointed right back at Akai Shuuichi's annoyingly smug face. At this distance, he'll be able to read his movement, react in time. He'd rather talk, but if the sniper fires, Rei will drag him into hell too.
Blood for blood. Mutually assured destruction.
(His excitement is slightly dampened by the fact he's rather certain Akai won't kill him.)
"Caught you." Rei can't help the satisfaction slipping into his voice.
Finally. After three years, their game of cat and mouse is over. He'll have his answers.
The most pressing of which-
"Where's Scotch?"
The words cut into the silence, sharpened by fear. His best friend might still be dead, after all. (If he isn't, why hasn't he contacted Rei?)
It's not like he has much to go on to suspect he's alive, besides the fact that Akai himself came back from the dead. Rei can only hope he brought Hiro along.
Before Akai answers, there's a click. The world becomes dizzyingly bright, expanding past the muzzles of their guns.
Rei blinks the disorientation away. Spots silhouettes from the corner of his eyes. He hasn't met them before, but he's familiar, of course, with the owners of this house. How long have the Kudos been watching them?
While he's busy processing that revelation, Akai holsters his gun. Part of Rei hates how nonchalant Akai is about all of this, exposing himself so easily. Like Rei isn't a threat, won't put a bullet in his head because of a couple of witnesses. (Hates that he's probably right.)
"I propose a trade. For old time's sake."
(The words leave a bitter taste with Rei. They haven't exchanged anything, not goods, not words, not warmth, in years.)
Akai snaps open a cheap flip phone - likely a burner. His thumb hovers over the call button. The fingers of his other hand, long and dextrous, wrap around the barrel of Rei's P7M8, tugging gently, but insistently.
Rei considers his options. He holds no illusions - without his gun, he won't be able to dispatch Akai. But he's more than capable of holding his own for long enough to escape, if need be.
(He could just fire, right now. It wouldn't have to be lethal. Could take the phone by force. But chances are, whatever information Akai has, he'll be much less willing to share it with a bullet wound.)
Rei looks up at Akai, meets his green, green eyes. The part of him that shows genuine emotions, some days. (Not that Rei is one to talk.)
Finds Akai looking...tired. He wears a small smile, but it's worn around the edges. There's no open mockery, no quiet amusement. It's just the two of them, and an offer.
Rei lets go of the gun. He hopes he won't be needing it, tonight.
.
Akai helps him up, his hand warm and steady. As soon as he's upright, Rei lets go - he can walk perfectly fine by himself, thank you very much.
The FBI agent shows him to the living room, tells Rei to make himself a home. After all, the Kudos have promised to give him some privacy, for his chat.
For a moment, the sniper lingers, gaze caught by the phone. Then Akai casts his eyes down, and leaves Rei alone.
Silence, if not for the crackle of the damned fireplace, fills the room. Rei hesitates for a moment. Then he presses 'call' for the only number in the directory.
The phone crackles with static, beeps as it establishes connection, then-
"Hi, Zero."
The world stops moving. Relief floods his system, sapping the tension from his muscles. He leans against the soft backrest, breathing freely for the first time in a good long while.
.
Their talk is short. Rei asks some questions to establish it's truly Hiro, not an imposter (though that would make a very poor basis for the negotiation the Kudos have planned).
Hiro tersely explains some things, although he isn't allowed to give away much. He's in the FBI's witness protection program. That they're talking at all is a massive bending of the rules, authorized only because of Akai's insistence. He claimed it was of critical importance to their mission.
It certainly is, to Rei.
.
The next hours are a blur.
The sofa dips when Akai sits down at his side, the Kudos already having taken their seats on the other side of the small coffee table. (He wishes Akai would sit farther away. That he be less reasonable in his assumptions and demeanour.)
It's somewhat surreal to think that celebrity actress Kudo Yukiko of all people gives him a steaming cup of chamomile lavender honey tea. Good thing working with Vermouth has knocked most of the starstruck behaviour out of him; his younger self would have made a fool of himself.
He can't afford that. After all, they are seeking him out in an official capacity, requesting PSB senior agent Furuya Rei's cooperation.
It certainly is strange for them to reach out through him, considering his known enmity of Akai. But he's a professional - he might be reluctant to work with the man, but it's not his decision to make. He'll relay the offer, unless it's utter garbage.
So he pays attention while they share what they can of their plan to take down the organisation. Listens to their pledge for equal contribution, and their promise of crediting the PSB with a successful operation; an obvious play intended to soothe the wounded pride of the Japanese, after years of illegal activity. But it's the least they can do.
If one were to ask Rei, the offer is certainly worth considering. The PSB has been working the case for five years now, and while they have gathered intel, and managed to place Bourbon as a vital asset, they're barely closer to shutting the organization down than when they started. It's sprawling, interconnected with various businesses, and, worst of all, active internationally. If they don't cut off all its heads at the same time, odds are the members will simply flee to a different branch. Maybe lie low for a bit, and then go about their business with renewed vigour.
It seems like an international cooperation might just be necessary to achieve this task. So he'll be their messenger; it's above his pay grade to decide whether to take them up on the offer or not.
Though privately, he hopes his superiors agree; every day they lose ground to the organization. By this point, Rei doesn't really care anymore whose plan it is that finally does the organization in, as long as it gets done. (And as long as he and the PSB are finally treated with the appropriate amount of respect.)
Still, he can't help thinking they wouldn't be having this conversation now, if these foreign agencies had respected the official channels ahead of time. Maybe Hiro could be hiding in Nagano then, with his brother, instead of being confined to the other half of the globe. In the US, of all the terrible places to be. He shivers.
.
By the time they're done it's very late. Rei is already half-dozing off, despite his best efforts to stay awake. It would be highly irresponsible to drive in this state, so he's asked their hosts for a coffee (he's sure a place housing Akai will have more than enough of it to go around). He'll just rest his eyes for a moment, until they're back.
.
Something light is being dropped on him, almost stirs him to consciousness. But it's warm, soft, and smells of huddling together in an abandoned apartment.
(Of long-forgotten small comforts.)
Not a threat.
Thus satisfied, his body collects its due, and he's dragged back under, into deep, dreamless sleep.
.
Which brings Rei to the reason he's late.
Someone, and he has a very good idea of who it was, put his phone in airplane mode, drew all the curtains shut, and kept the rest of the house quiet.
(Let him sleep for as long as he needed to.)
So Rei wakes up with a start, in a barely familiar place, the digital clock on the wall indicating it's way past opening time for Poirot. Shit.
He grabs his belongings, pistol, clothes and keys and all, and dashes out the door. He swears he can see Okiya - no, Akai, he was right, damn it - look down on him from that favourite window of his. Asshole. Contrary to him Rei has a job, a cover to maintain. He'll get back at him, yet.
.
It should probably worry him that he can perform the drive to Poirot on autopilot. Too many late-night stakeouts turning into impromptu naps, requiring him to drive straight to work after. So much trouble, over nothing. If Akai had just cooperated sooner-
Then, what? Rei hadn't managed to track him down before his supposed death, and the less interaction there is between Okiya Subaru and Amuro Tooru, the better for both of them. He grinds his teeth, barely manages to brake in time for a redlight.
(Hates that he understands the caution, to a degree.)
.
The universe really is conspiring against him, today.
After the lunchtime rush, a certain pocket-sized detective is ushered in through the door, followed by his guardian and her best friend. The kid gives him odd looks all throughout ordering lunch, too sharp in a way that makes the hairs at the back of his neck stand in up. Rei gives him his sunniest smile, and an extra packet of sugar. He's played games with Gin and Vermouth in worse conditions; he won't yield to a particularly precocious six-year-old.
Despite getting more sleep than the last three nights combined, he's not feeling too well. A single good night's rest can't undo weeks of insomnia. If anything, it only makes apparent what he's lacking.
He finds his mind wandering, glad the preparation of food comes automatically, by now. Whisk and mix and pour. Fry, remove from the pan...
"...uro? You seem unwell."
Too-familiar green eyes stare back at him, bags under the eyes and all. Rei barely manages not to flinch.
Of all the people to catch him spacing out, it just has to be Akai's little sister. The gods must truly hate him.
"Ah, miss Sera. I apologize, I was just pondering some new options for our menu." He winks, gives her his most dazzling smile. "The chamomile lavender honey tea cake has me under its spell."
In response, she just wrinkles her nose, unimpressed. Squints at him with those jade eyes that always see through him too easily.
"Are you sure you're not running a fever? It seems a little warm in here already, yet you're working in a sweater."
Rei blinks at that. The temperature seems fine to him. Azusa hasn't said anything about it either.
"I appreciate the concern, but I assure you, I'm perfectly fine. Now, what can I get you?"
One slice of red velvet cake (of course - why did they even keep that on the menu?) and a macchiato later he's rid of her.
For now, at least - she's joined her friends at the window seats, and judging by the way she keeps sneaking glances at him when she thinks he isn't looking, he hasn't seen the last of her yet.
Still, her questions are odd. Surely he doesn't look that terrible?
(Vermouth has taught him some of her secrets; he's been concealing the shadows under his eyes for a while now. Nobody's ever found him out. Why is it now that people notice?)
.
He continues to work mindlessly, unfocused. This damn shift just doesn't seem to want to end.
He just about manages to avoid knocking Ran out for leaning over the counter, into his space. She remains blissfully unaware of the danger she just escaped, smiling brightly, kindly.
"Excuse me, I have a question."
Rei closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, counts to four. Smiles at the girl. "Go ahead", he says, continuing to whisk some cake batter.
Ran leans in closer, conspiratorially.
"Masumi is too shy to ask" - that's a bold-faced lie, if he's ever heard one, and he's something of an expert on the matter - "but she'd love to know where you got that sweater."
Now, Ran's a lovely young lady, always eager to help. It's a pity she's being manipulated for Sera's gain. Because there has to be more to the question, even if Rei can't see it yet.
Of course, he can't tell the girls the truth - Kazami bought it for Bourbon's cover. But the best lies are closest to the truth, so-
"I apologize, but I do not know where it was bought. A friend gave it to me." His best calculated-apologetic smile smoothes the blow, hopefully.
"Oh. I see." Ran visibly deflates. Still, her good manners prevail. "Thank you, though!" And with that, she's heading back to her table.
Strange. What could Sera possibly want with his sweater? If she wanted to track him down, surely there's more efficient ways, and it's not like he doesn't have a dozen similar cream sweaters-
Wait. Cream?
Rei's pretty sure he dressed in black to infiltrate the Kudo manor. He's not been home and he hasn't changed for work.
He manages to supress a groan, but he's sure there's some unpleasant emotion visible on his face.
...he must have grabbed the sweater along with the rest of his belongings in the morning rush.
Now that he's looking at it, it's clearly a little too large for him. It's also warm, fuzzy, soft, and utterly unoffensive. That's probably why it didn't register, before.
The sweater does smell decidedly of Akai - cigarettes and a hint of his obnoxious aftershave. The warm scent of curry is new - though unsurprising, given his foray into cooking. Great. That's why they've been staring at him. Sera likely recognizes the sweater and Conan spends enough time with Akai to know the scent.
His gut instinct is to go change, right now, get rid of the damning piece of connection to the man he has too many conflicting emotions about. But a long-sleeved black turtleneck is hardly appropriate work attire for Poirot. Besides, if he changes now, the pair of detectives watching him will just have their suspicions confirmed.
So he grits his teeth, takes in a deep breath that smells too much like Akai, and gets back to work.
.
Rei does change out of the sweater as soon as he's done with his shift.
(It doesn't help. The scent lingers.)
.
He's tempted to just toss the sweater, but can't help feeling like it would be a waste. It's quality craftsmanship, well-worn but taken care of - this kind of sweater would pill, otherwise.
It really shouldn't be faulted for its owner's flaws.
So he puts the sweater in a bag, intending to have it dry-cleaned and give it back later.
He should really hunt down Akai, too, but if he's honest, he's just too tired. He probably shouldn't even drive, in his condition, but he needs to get to a safe place, to think about the developments of the night.
.
He reports to Kuroda, showers thoroughly, and falls into bed.
.
Rei can't have slept long. The sunset colours the world in blood red hues by the time he wakes up, out of breath, heartbeat too fast.
Visions of smoke and ash cling to him. Explosions, destroying him one by one, until nothing remains but death alone.
Hagiwara and Matsuda, taken by violent flame.
Hiro's remains, crushed and burnt beyond recognition.
Akai's smile, grimly defiant, as he's shot by Kir. He too finds his end in a blaze, lacking glory.
They're gone.
Consumed by the inferno that seems to follow Rei around. Which burns everything he cares about, leaves him freezing in its wake.
(He can't even cry, his tears evaporating in the heat.)
Rei shivers, draws the blankets closer. Hopes for a little bit of cover, a little bit of warmth.
Please. If he could just shake off the nausea. If he could stop his spiralling thoughts. Logically, he knows that's not all true, even if his heart burns. Akai and Hiro aren't dead.
It's a lie, they're alive, it's a lie, they're alive, it's a lie a lie a lie a lie-
A set of sharp barks rips him out of his thoughts, back into the present.
Oh. He's woken Haro.
The little guy stands in front of his bed, ears tucked back and hackles raised. A defiant ball of fluff that cares so much, trying to growl the nightmares away.
(It might just work.)
Slowly, shaking and somewhat off-balance, he reaches down to scoop up his dog. Wiggles the blanket off his shoulders so he may cradle the whining bundle of fur to his chest. It's soothing, to feel the warmth of another living being by his side. They sit, the silence permeated by Haro's huffed breaths. His body heat seeps into Rei's chest, nestles in his heart.
"I apologize for worrying you. I'll be fine, soon."
He's not alone.
Haro nudges his hand, demands to be pet. Rei obliges, of course he does.
He's not alone.
.
Still, the headache is a pain. He won't be able to go back to sleep like this, will need to grab a painkiller.
He makes his way to the kitchen counter, keeping to the walls because he's still somewhat unsteady, carrying his bundle of warmth along.
The dog throws a fit as they pass the bag with Akai's sweater, growling and yapping at it. Despite the circumstances, Rei can't help but smile.
"I'm glad to see we feel the same way about him."
Wait.
Inspiration strikes in the form of a very stupid idea.
Because that sweater, with its stupid mixed scents, reeking of Akai, is proof he didn't just imagine last night's events. Tangible and olfactory and physical proof. If he were to wake from a nightmare, with it by his side...the anger at Akai would surely keep the pain at bay.
It's worth a try.
.
As he goes back to bed, Haro lies down beside him. Rei keeps petting him, one-handedly. With the other, he holds on to a cream sweater that isn't his.
When he breathes, it smells of too-long stakeouts in windy apartments.
Of Rye's extra blankets, the ones he started to bring when he noticed Bourbon always freezing; irritating to no end, how he was always better prepared for cold weather than Rei.
(It smells of Bourbon's cooking, given in exchange for soft blankets.)
Scents of a tentative alliance, as thread-bare as the fabric between them.
Grounded between the warmth of Haro, and the scent of Akai, Rei falls asleep, waiting for the dog days to finally be over.
#we're tackling the original sin#the tea party (dun dun dun)#i'm a little sad that āpersonalized heating unit (read: Haro)ā got left on the cutting room floor#anyways I have a migraine but I want this out so here you go#i realized that I mostly write rei taking care of akai. have some implied akai taking care of rei in this one#sweater weather AU#akam#dcmk#long post#(i would like to formally apologize to squad leader date btw. I promise rei isn't any less upset about his death#but we are having a fire/explosion themed nightmare. i couldn't fit him in. I'm sorry)#(also rei. bit of dick move not to let akai talk to hiro...)#oops you are right mi although I'm not quite sure how to tag for that#um#mention of canon character deaths#specifically matsuda and hagiwara#iris writes fic
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There are literally tears streaming down my face right now, and I wasn't even expecting to care about the episode that much. Once I processed what the show is trying to communicate with Rick's inner stagnance and grief, I started balling with the music at the end that was meant to portray the fact that he realized now that now that there's nothing left to do or anything to act on or to put all that energy to there's nothing left except for the hardest battle to fight, which is the acceptance of the fact that he can't get his wife or anything back.
This is such a perfect portrayal of what inner depression feels like with nowhere for it to go or anyone to talk to about it because it's just something you have to accept.
Rick is such an incredibly good portrayal of depression and grief because, especially with this last couple of seconds when Morty thinks that he's satisfied, but there's nothing that you can do about emotional grief and the fact that you can never get back what you lost, especially with something as profound as what Rick obviously considers the love of his life. The feeling is like nothing else; and even worse, it's the loneliest feeling in the world because nobody knows what it feels like to carry that grief every single day and it's profound and constant battle except for yourself.
It's the worst feeling and the heaviest feeling in the world for Rick to realize there's nothing left to do-he still didn't have his Diane back, and his grief is still full of nothing but what he can't help but feel is a cheap emulation of the life that he should have had. If you ever genuinely grieved over anything that you can never get back and there's nothing left but emptiness to reflect over it, I don't know how you couldn't be incredibly touched by Rick's character. His story is such a stark and jarringly incredibly written story over long-term grief and how it never really heals or gets better, but is a weight that you care with you for the rest of your life everyday, every moment.
I remember when I watched the first unity episode I was literally paralyzed from how much it touched me once we got more information about the fact that the reason why he went home and tried to terminate himself was because he had this a lifelong grief that he was carrying with him that he still is. I don't think in my life, literally, I have ever been so touched or so abrasively paralyzed by the idea of someone suffering from a young age all the way till 70 and never getting over it, because, if your brain is wired a certain way, some people truly never get over tragedy.
This show is so goofy and it obviously doesn't take itself seriously, but somehow it managed to pull up one of the most compelling paralyzingly impactful characters that I've ever consumed in media in my life.
#I am projecting a lot#but I really don't have any interests in anything anymore except for itself shipping with Rick Sanchez and one other character#as much as I can be I'm grateful for the fact that Rick came to me and my life at a time when I really needed a character to grieve with at#this incredibly life-endingly paralyzing time in my life.#and I couldn't care less about being accepted by the fandom or whatever it's called so I'm free to make as many whack post as much as I want#or whatever it is most of you would call it#rick and morty#lol
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omg my favorite scene in the manga š
#not gonna watch the movies cause i couldn't care less about the other characters/pairings but#these two >>>>
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I feel like Haku would like to laugh during sex. Like he fully embraces that, if you think about it, what you're doing is weird and funny. Sex is full of funny sounds and feelings and smells and movements and it is not that serious and he can't take it that seriously.
On top of that he's happy to be there with you. Why wouldn't he smile and laugh about it?
Obviously he'd try and reel it in if it made you feel uncomfortable or worried that you were being insulted--or he would try and turn those feelings around. What do you think he's laughing at in a negative way? He'll start to praise that instead. He'll practically start to worship it. Try and make you feel appreciated instead.
#Haku kusanagi#danie yells at tokyo debunker#nsftish#I JUST THINK HE WOULD FIRST AND FOREMOST CARE ABOUT BOTH OF YOU ENJOYING IT#not like he couldn't get into 'less enjoyable' things but#it'd be hard for him to really like roleplay or something. it's hard for him to devote the effort into playing a character#getting into a headspace. that kind of thing.#he'd try for you but he'd probably struggle a little not to be a bit cheeky about it.#he wouldn't do badly but he'd probably not wanna do it much because it's a lot of. . .effort#when he likes his intimacy natural and comfortable#not necessarily vanilla just. not all that serious. he'll try whatever you're into but at the end of the day#he's gonna be himself the whole way. so he may not be perfect.
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Okay last detroit become human characters as textposts for now
#dbh#Dbh characters as textposts#dbh memes#dbh connor#dbh north#dbh hank#dbh gavin#dbh markus#dbh simon#simarkus#Dad hank#I can totally hear Hank saying that shit in the last one lmao#also that screenshot I took of Gavin that's the face he's making the entire time Connor is interrogating Shaolin Being (Ortiz's android)#like Jesus fucking Christ dude calm the fuck down could you stop being so goddamn obvious#he wants Connor's attention so bad and Connor couldn't care less about him lmaoooo#it's soooo funny
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Ok now for the more āfunā angst scenarios I have:
I know there are fics out there that have written this but I really want one that shows Dickās full reaction to believing that Nix had been killed in Operation Varsity. I imagine him absolutely losing it. Like completely losing it. SCREAMING. Throwing anything in his sight and breaking it against the wall. Yelling at people to DO SOMETHING about it as if there were anything that could be done. Blaming poor people who are just standing there that itās somehow their fault. Swearing that heās going to personally hunt down and kill every single German responsible and whatever asshole General or Colonel who signed off on the mission. And everyone is just standing there watching him helpless not knowing what to do and scared and speechless, because theyāve never seen him like this before. Theyāve never seen ANYONE like this before. They had no idea Dick could even act like this, and they donāt know how to console him or calm him down. Theyāre scared to even approach him and be the next victim of his wrath. They all knew of course how close Dick and Nix were, and maybe some of them had their suspicions of *just* how close they were, but this reaction from Dick really silently confirms to all of them the true nature of their relationship. And finally after several hours of throwing and breaking things and screaming and yelling and threatening anyone in his way, Dick just goes completely silent and emotionless. He says heās going to bed and just sits down on his bed in his billet and doesnāt say a word. Just stares into space. And finally Harry cautiously walks over to him. Doesnāt say anything but silently gives him his support and his invitation to open up if he wants to. And then maybe Dick just says āI love him, Harry. I love him.ā And then breaks down sobbing, sobs that wreck his whole body. And Harry pulls him into his arms trying to comfort him as Dick cries āHeās my PERSON. Heās my Kitty. Heās everything. I canāt live without him. I NEED him.ā And then through more wrecked sobs Harry is able to make out: āHow could God take him away from me? I failed to protect him.ā
He ends up crying himself to sleep but only for a few hours and wakes up early but doesnāt get up like he usually does, just stays lying in bed staring at the wall. No one comes to get him even though he has places heās supposed to be. He doesnāt show up to the supply briefings but no one questions it or mentions if. Everyone else is freaking out about what to do about him but for now they leave him be. And then thereās a knock at his door late in the morning and a runner is telling him that there was bad intel, there was a mistake and Nix actually is okay and heās on his way back right now.
Ok I have a couple other ones I can share as well if you want sorry these are so long š I just love being able to finally share these with a fellow angst lover
LITERALLY READ THIS WHOLE THING GOING YES YES YESSS metaphorically eating popcorn genuinely obsessed with this. LIKE SO OBSESSED with the company seeing a side of winters theyd never fuckign seen before and not even harry being able to deal with it .. genuinely gonna be thinking about this for a while
#save#(i actually really like the fact in ep9 dick couldn't care less about nix/those men dying i think its a really good character beat for him#like it shows how far gone he is hes more interested in his fucking granola bar than he is in casualties/the fact nix couldve died)#BUT I REALLY REALLY LIKE READING ABOUT WHAT IF HE GODDAMN EXPLODED . WOULDVE BEEN REALLY GOOD TO SEE#amanda.mail
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It's so weird when the vast majority of art of your fav gradually turns into this very specific fanon you don't see or agree with, but everyone adopted it from each other like a projecting hivemind, seemingly because "Well everybody else does it." I don't even recognize some characters anymore because it's just Headcanon on Headcanon.
#not gonna name names#it feels very isolating because somehow people are being cops about 'canon' but simultaneously couldn't care less about it#'he wouldn't fucking say that' and then turn around and replace characters' personalities with their own when convenient
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